Academic Task 1
Article 1-作者：jessica-931

Keep tenses consistent. The writer takes care to stay in the past tense in the beginning of the description, but tense use becomes increasingly more inconsistent. This is a common occurrence for non-native English writers (to forget which tense he is in). Luckily, such mistakes can be overcome fairly easily if the writer maintains an awareness of which tense he should be in. Particularly with the task 1’s on the examination, tense is of vital importance as we are usually dealing with information occurring in the past, sometimes having bearing on the present. This means you’ll generally be using the past tense to describe past changes. The present tense may be used as well to make general comments on those changes, but the past is usually a safe bet. Before writing, decide which tense you need to be in, keep that in mind as you write and double check for accuracy at the end of writing. Most errors will be caught in this process.

Article 2 - 作者：graceliuyi

The writer does a very good job of introducing the graph and addressing the key changes and trends. Ideas are well-divided and usually well-developed.

There are some inexplicable errors, like double periods. Don’t let the little things get in the way of a good thing.

A more developed conclusion, delving deeper into the major trends would have been an improvement to an already good graph description.

Article 3 - 作者：jelon

Watch out for repetitive word and phrase usage. There’s no need to write, “…in the year 1960,” when simply “…in 1960,” will suffice. More wordiness can be seen in other areas as can be noted in my deletions. Excessive repetition can be a distraction to the reader.

Try to come up with a more significant conclusion that offers something tangible. The conclusion the writer has now is so blatantly evident that it comes off as artificial and contrived. Say something of merit that shows you have a deeper understanding of the changes; say something that we, your readers, may not have seen or considered.

Academic Task 2
Article 4 - 作者：tracywalter

This essay is a great example of how one small error can overtake an entire essay and dominate it. Though it is not a huge error in itself, its continuous repetition makes a serious impact on the essay as a whole. The mistake is a lexical one and is made throughout the essay: “ways” is applied to different cultural habits, as in “sex ways”, “food ways”, etc. Such phrasing is odd to the native ear. The implications on fluency, coherence and accuracy are obvious. If you’re going to rely on a few phrases to systematically guide your essay, you’d better be sure they’re accurate.

Avoid blanket statements like “always” unless it’s an undeniable given. The writer says, “Traditional cultures are always ignored…” Always ignored? That is certainly not the case ALWAYS. This may not seem like a major problem, but it made an impact on me on first read. Don’t give your reader immediate reason to question your sincerity or accuracy. Be truthful and accurate and beware that the subtly of meaning can affect your readers in ways you wouldn’t have imagined.

Article 5 - 作者：learninglady

Titles are okay, but just keep in mind that they do not form part of the word count. This has an impact on this essay because with the eight-word title, the word count is 256. But since the minimum word requirement is set at 250 words, and the title does not factor into the total word count as mentioned, this essay is under length by two words at 248. Failure to meet the minimum requirement in this area will affect the score of the essay. The moral of the story: make sure you write 150 words or more for task 1 and 250 or more for task 2!?

The ideas tend to jump around without any significant development from any of them. Such ideas as space travel and walking the road of our ancestors are touched upon, but it’s not clear what they mean in relation to the prompt. The ideas of writing and chairs could be good arguments for the culture/ technology debate, but, again, they are not sufficiently developed. There is a lot of “rhetoric” and attempts at style and fancy language, but little substance or coherence. Utilize fewer examples and develop more fully the ones you do have. Say how; say why; say more.

Article 6 - 作者：shifangxuang

Wow! Look how long that first sentence is. If you read it aloud to yourself the way it was initially written (before my corrections), you might get an idea of how longwinded it is. The problem there is run-ons, or sentences that should stop at some point but don’t. The problem of run-ons is evident throughout the essay. I’d suggest to this writer a concerted effort to study the rules related to run-on sentences. Google “run-on sentence” and find a good site to help with this.

A basic fulfillment every writer of a foreign language needs to meet is clarity. Fancy words and phrasings won’t get you anywhere if they can’t be understood, or if you’re causing strain on your reader in their attempt to follow the message. Granted, much of this is connected to the run-on issue, but I had a very difficult time keeping up with some of the ideas (though if I examine it closely, I can see some good arguments). Simplify in order to clarify; don’t sacrifice clarity at the expense of complicated or fancy language.

General Task 1
Article 7 - 作者：tomotowang

Imagine this were a real letter. Would you not say goodbye to the person you were writing? The letter has a greeting, but no closing. On an actual examination, such an oversight would be unthinkable!

It is the odd mistakes, like periods and colons where they shouldn’t be, inexplicable capitalization of whole words, strange misspellings (like the word “system” spelled as “systerm” which is even stranger when one considers that “system” is one of the words provided in the prompt). These careless oversights give an immediate negative impression to your reader. Whether you do or not, they will get the feeling that you just don’t care. Now, obviously, because the writer has gone through the trouble to write this letter for this web site competition, I know she does care, but not every reader is like me. Write carefully; write seriously; write professionally. Double check your writing when you’ve finished.?

Article 8 - 作者：tkd05

Don’t abbreviate. The writer writes, “No” meaning, “number.” In an academic essay, always write everything out. Don’t assume your reader is going to automatically understand your abbreviations or acronyms.

The grammatical accuracy of the letter is fairly strong. Due to the length, it is difficult to get a read on repeated errors. I made an adjustment to the future tense due to the inclusion of “from now on” at the end of sentence 5, paragraph 2 because “from now on” signifies a future state beginning from the present. There are also two run-on sentences in the opening paragraph. Additionally, a few words are omitted by the writer, but problems are not major. If the writer can lean up the little mistakes for better accuracy she has an auspicious future.

General Task 2
Article 9 - 作者：devilnumberone

There should be an extra space between punctuation and the word that follows.

As I mentioned in a previous article (Article #7), careless mistakes seriously detract from the reading of an essay. In this case, the failure to punctuate, misspellings which could have been checked before submission, failure to capitalize properly, etc. These careless oversights give an immediate negative impression to your reader. Whether you do care or not, they will get the feeling that you don’t. If the reader gets the impression the writer hasn’t put much effort into writing carefully, how can we expect the reader to read it carefully? Write carefully; write seriously; write professionally. Double check your writing when you’ve finished.?

As a whole, the essay is very difficult to follow due to the high volume of mistakes. It is suggested that the writer engage in the slow, steady process of learning English over many years. There is no magical quick fix to becoming a strong writer. It takes hard work and devotion.

Article 10 - 作者：zhangtian

At 238 words, the essay is under length. As I’ve mentioned before, failure to meet the minimum word count would affect the score on an actual exam. Further, the link between short articles and a lack of development is clear. Other areas (not just the lack of a well developed argument) are affected by not meeting the word count, in that the writer has fewer opportunities to display his command of written English and whatever other skills he has in his arsenal. Don’t shortchange yourself by shortchanging the essay.

This lack of development comes into play most notably in the writer’s failure to expound on public smoking and the office smoking issues. It is mentioned in the introduction, but not clearly followed up on. A complete and well-developed paragraph for both public and office smoking would have completed the task. As it stands, the essay lacks focus because it amounts more to a polemic against the evils of smoking rather than directly addressing the prompt. The essay does not prompt the writer to tell us how smoking kills, or what its effects are on smokers, or how or why “customers” are involved at any stage. The key words are “public smoking”, “office smoking” and “freedom”. While the issue of freedom is more-or-less met, the other two are not tied-in very well in the body of the essay. Read the prompt carefully; respond to it exactly; know what your reader expects.