Academic Task 1
Article 1-作者： ooxiaoxi

The writer has a tendency to overstate some of the obvious points of the graph. Notice how long it takes until we actually start receiving concrete details (about halfway through the text). The points presented in the first half of the text are rather obvious, and offer little insight. Instead, briefly and concisely introduce the graph or diagram and focus more on important details, changes, trends and comparisons.

Avoid too much repetition of phrases like, “As can be seen from the graph…” “According to the graph…”, etc. To do it very occasionally is alright, but its consistent use is unnecessary and in the end amounts to excessive wordiness.

Article 2-作者：brotherhz

There is some difficulty in following the article as the figures and comparisons appear to be quite haphazard, especially in that second paragraph. For example, a comparison is made on percentage alone (28% of busses and bikes in 1960 and 1980, at the end of the second paragraph).? Yet it is unclear exactly why the writer chose to compare in this way as it is not really revealing of any trend other than that the two means of transport happen to share the same number twenty years apart from each other. What does such a comparison mean? Outline which comparisons you want to make before you write and make sure the selected data are relevant to each other.

Article 3-作者：lvgaofei7667

As can be seen, the writer needs a fair amount of improvement in the grammatical area. The most common mistakes in this text are faulty agreement, incorrect verb forms, and incorrect word order. There are also some lexical issues, like incorrect word choice that the writer should pay particular attention to. There is no such thing as a quick fix or secret ingredient to improving grammar absolutely. The best advice on improving is a lot of years of prolonged and arduous study.

A slightly more developed conclusion would have been an improvement. Saying “…the graph demonstrates the society has developed enormously,” doesn’t say much other than what is completely obvious. We can know that instantly by looking at the graph. Try concluding with something more thoughtful, in-depth or insightful.

Academic Task 2
Article 4-作者：qqshowmane

Overwhelmingly, the major concern in this article is inappropriate word choice. A quick review of my corrections demonstrates where word choice was mistaken. Most of these errors tend to be fundamental, e.g. “to” is used instead of “which”; “totally” is used instead of completely”, and quite a few others. As I mentioned above in a previous essay’s comments, there is no such thing as a quick fix or secret ingredient to absolute grammatical or lexical precision. Improvement depends on a lot of years of prolonged and persistent study. Patience and gradual improvement is the path to accuracy.

The lexical inaccuracies affect the clarity of the essay in parts. If the writer takes the improvement of vocabulary as the basis of study, the clarity should progress right along with it.

Article 5-作者：wollonggang19

“With the development of…” This phrase is overused to the point where it has mysteriously become the most dominate and recognizable cliché for non-native speakers of English in China. Native speakers use it very occasionally, but in China we’ve all seen it WAY TOO OFTEN! Speakers and writers constantly begin sentences with this phrase, and when the listener has heard it used this way 1,001 times, they interpret it as a lack of originality and say to themselves, ‘Not that phrase again!’; don’t make them read or hear it again. Say something else!

Some good arguments about the evolution of traditions and comments like, “today's novelty may become tomorrow's tradition.” These show an understanding of the question and that the writer has given some thought to the topic. Most importantly, it offers some real insight and original ideas quite a bit different from the standard essays one reads where too often one essay cannot be distinguished from another. This writer has learned and demonstrated original and unique ideas, presented clearly and smartly. All this would leave a favourable impression on the person scoring the essay were it submitted for a real examination.?

Article 6-作者：tjlewnoop

Watch out for the overuse of transitions as almost every sentence in the essay begins with one. To me, this is the essay’s greatest weakness. An excerpt from my own writing textbook that I use with my students purposely exaggerates the point:

How to Use Transitions
Transitions make writing more fluent while simultaneously making it more orderly, clear and formal. When used correctly they create a smooth shift from one idea to another. Nevertheless, overusing them can be as bad, or worse, than not using them at all. Each transition should serve a purpose and add rather than take away.

How Not to Use Transitions
Needless to say, transitions need to be used all time. Obviously, it is clear that writers should use them at every opportunity. Accordingly, you’ll see a major improvement once you put them into your writing. For instance, just find the relationship between ideas, and throw a transition in there. Consequently, you won’t regret it! Likewise, more is always better. By contrast, there are people who claim that transitions can be overused. Naturally, these people are stupid. Moreover, they’re idiots. To sum up, transitions are great, and to sum it all up again, use them or lose them!

General Task 1
Article 7-作者：Sunnyzhou2007

The writer is consistently using an incorrect tense. Identifiable patterns in this letter show an faulty understanding of the present perfect tense (have/had + past participle), as she is using it when she isn’t supposed to. Trouble with modal verbs (should, could, would, might, etc.) are also evident. The writer would do well to focus particularly on those areas. There may be other grammatical issues, but those two are the most glaring.

Otherwise the writer shows some imagination and does a good job of explaining the problem and the consequences involved if the company fails to act on their promises.

Article 8-作者：tkd05

Similar to the letter in Article 7 above, the writer is having some problems with the present perfect tense. Whereas the writer of the previous letter uses it when she shouldn’t, this writer doesn’t use it when she should. A close analysis of my corrections and further review of the tense’s correct usage is advised.

“Staff”, not “stuff”. Watch out for the little spelling errors like this which could cause a severe misunderstanding. Luckily, it is my job to catch these kinds of things, but your typical reader might have no idea what the writer means by “stuff”, and the meaning of the letter could be lost on them forever.

General Task 2
Article 9-作者：guoxinyan

The introduction does a good job in identifying the question and indicates that the writer has understood it. The key points of smoking in the office, smoking in public and the issue of freedom have been adequately addressed. The writer then stays on task throughout the essay. You’d be surprised how many essays do not follow the topic or go off on a tangent, or simply ignore some parts of the prompt, so it is worthwhile to point out whenever someone does it well.

“As we all know”. Here’s another phrased so strangely overused by Chinese speakers of English. My own textbook, which I have written for my writing students, presents an incomplete list of overused words and phrases. It’s a bit long, but so useful that I will reproduce it here for everyone to see:

Stock Phrases and Clichés
Stock phrases are collections of words that learners of English unfamiliar with the subtlety of language try to use in an attempt to make their writing better. In fact, the use of stock phrases is most often counterproductive. An overuse of these phrases can distract the reader or listener from the message.

Below is an example list of stock phrases that are overused by Chinese speakers of English and should be avoided most of the time simply for the reason that they’re so often used:

1. With the development of…

1. ______ is a hot topic…

1. Everyone has their own opinion/idea

1. …play an important role

1. Every coin has two sides

1. No pain, no gain

1. ______ is a double-edged sword

1. Last but not least

1. As you know

Let’s take a closer look at the last one, the one reproduced in this essay:

1. as you know

This phrase is usually used incorrectly, and is of virtually no significance even if used correctly. As you know would only be used in a situation in which the information exchanged in common knowledge, or if the writer or speaker is totally sure that the reader/listener knows this. For example, “As you know, the capital of China is Beijing.” Even this is a bit precarious, because it is indeed possible that the reader doesn’t know that. To counter this problem, some writers prefer to employ the safer, “As you probably know…”, or even “As you may or may not know…” But all-in-all, it’s best to avoid the phrase entirely.

Article 10-作者：pandysz

The writer uses “him/her” at the end of the first sentence. When writing about a person who’s sex is unknown there is a tendency for writers to use he/she or him/her. This habit should be completely avoided in academic writing. The best way to go about it is to choose either he or she, or use the pronoun one instead. Using he/she is cumbersome and seriously disrupts the fluency of writing. This writer only uses it once, so it’s not a problem. But in the future, avoid it entirely.

The prompt mentions smoking in offices as well, yet this in nowhere to be found in the essay. Once again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to read and understand the prompt fully before you begin writing. As this part of the prompt is totally ignored, the writer’s score would suffer dramatically on a formal examination, no matter how strong the other points are (and this writer’s other points seem valid and well-argued). Remember this riddle every time you tackle an IELTS task: All parts of the prompt addressed fully and there’ll be no worry.