Academic Task 1
Article 1-作者：dududq3117

Several areas are unclear and difficult to follow due to odd phrasing and a cluttering of ideas. Focus on being as clear as possible. Try to relate a single main idea for each sentence. If this means simplifying your language and words, you may have to do so. If the article can’t be understood on a basic level, the use of big words and phrases do you no good.
Watch out for careless mistakes. This article misspells several basic words, like “European”, which is actually one of the words contained in the rubric. This makes an immediate negative impression on the reader. The addition of odd characters like the question marks before the paragraphs and the Chinese character at the beginning of the article are major distractions. Write with care, proofread and do your best to eliminate such unnecessary errors.

Article 2 - 作者：donna2008

The writer includes a lot of details and the response is pretty well developed. The ideas are well divided by paragraphs which marks the separate areas of transport.
Make sentences active. A common stylistic concern among many non-native English speakers is to make naturally active phrases passive by turning them into prepositional phrases. This habit is noticeable in several areas as shown here:
the percentage of bus
the figure of bike
Change these to:
the bus percentage
the bike figure
Similar to the second set of comments above, the writer needs to watch out for little mistakes like spacing. Words and punctuation bunched up together clutters the writing. The appearance of an essay on first glance makes a deep first impression on your reader. Never underestimate the importance of proofreading and eliminating errors that are easy to extricate.

Article 3 - 作者：mahria

Punctuation mistakes are the predominate errors in this article. The writer demonstrates an overuse of commas and other systematic punctuation mistakes, the reason probably resulting from the writer’s desire for clarity and separation of ideas. Comma rules can be irregular and are even difficult to grasp for many native writers. One piece of advice for this writer would be to study up on comma usage and pay particular attention to the rules of sentence fragments and run-on sentences. There are a lot of sources available on the web.
The graph details the types of transport used in the past. Pay attention to the tense used to describe actions that happened in the past. The writer tends to overuse the present tense when the past, or occasionally present perfect if the writer so chooses, is needed.

Academic Task 2
Article 4 - 作者：yiico

Never assume that your reader knows the specifics of what you’re writing about. In fact, I once had a writing teacher who told me, “Assume your reader knows nothing.” Reading the first line of this essay reminded me of what my teacher told me. After a minute or two of thought, I realized what the writer meant by sending “Chang'E1” into space (the Chinese space shuttle recently launched into outer space). However, I’d venture to guess that not too many readers would be able, or have the patience, to surmise that from the half-sentence provided. In this case, the writer gets off on the wrong foot by not clearly stating the meaning of one of his central ideas. Be clear; explain; elaborate. Never assume your reader automatically understands.
Ideas are often confused and not properly linked. There’s a lot of jumping around from a fragment of an idea to another. It is not clear how launching a space shuttle into orbit is connected to Spring Festival as in the first paragraph. That is not to say that they are not in some way connected, but the writer has not demonstrated this fact. There is a hint at a development of ideas in the second paragraph, but then the final sentence introduces a thought on Japan’s relationship with America, yet this has no clear connection to the previous material. The rapid shifts between the sub-topics of the spirit of a culture, language, influence of outside cultures, etc. jolt the reader and there is no sense of cohesion. All-in-all, the writer does not seem to have a central idea to lean on or return to, instead employing far too many fragmented thoughts. I suggest limiting the ideas to those that are the thematically related and to create a clear, written outline before actually writing the essay.

Article 5 - 作者：angelawrh

The writer shows pretty good control of grammatical accuracy.
Most of the areas that create misunderstanding seem to be rooted in inaccurate word/phrase choice: “displaying firecrackers”, “get shadows of our own traditional culture”, “some traditional culture cannot be spread and then lost” are all sources of confusion. These small hiccups in language choice create wider confusion in relation to the essay as a whole, so it is important for the writer to choose words and phrases carefully.
“With the development of…” I am not sure where this phrase originated, or how it has come to appear in so many essays and speeches of Chinese speakers of English, but this phrase is out of control! It’s not wrong, but it’s been repeated a thousand and one times. Find another way to express it.
can not = cannot

Article 6 - 作者：vickyvi0451

A primary focus should be placed on clear expression. Don’t try to impress your reader with big words and profound thoughts if they are above your ability to express clearly; these mean nothing when the meaning cannot be extrapolated. I don’t doubt that such complex ideas and deep understanding exist in the writer’s mind in his native tongue and thoughts, but transferring them into a foreign language is quite another thing. In such cases, simplification is paramount to complexity. The first paragraph and the last section of the third paragraph, for example, attempt this kind of complexity, but it takes a great deal of effort to read and re-read. I don’t want my criticism to sound too harsh because I think the writer is on to something good here, so if he’s sure the meaning can be made clear, keep the big words, but if there’s any doubt it may cause confusion, simplify.
That is not to say that the essay is unclear everywhere. On the contrary, a lot of it makes perfect sense. The writer presents some solid ideas, particularly the example of the farmer and the grain drill, technology and tradition as evolution and technology as adding “content” to culture. Another strong point is that the writer appears to have a fairly decent control of grammar.
At one point, the following is written:
Do you remember the advertisement, "Technology is determined by men."? That's a perfect example.”
No, I don’t remember this advertisement, and unless your reader watches a lot of TV (or wherever the ad comes from), and is fluent in Chinese (assuming that’s where the ad comes from), he won’t know what you mean, either. Please see the overall comments on Article 4 above for a more detailed explanation of what I mean here.

General Task 1
Article 7 - 作者：happysammi

Keep an eye out for opportunities to combine sentences, particularly where the ideas of two juxtaposed sentences are clearly linked. Places where sentences begin with “and”, “but” or “so” almost surely provide the possibility to link with a comma or another conjunction. Don’t overdo it, but there are at least four or five possibilities to make the sentence structures more complex in this essay, and it can be done extremely easily as shown by my corrections.
“up to now”. I’m so glad you made this mistake because it gives me an opportunity to comment on it. I’m not sure why so many Chinese speakers of English interpret “up to now” as meaning “still”. In fact, “up to now” doesn’t mean that an action continues, or in this case, that the heating system is still broken. Rather, it means that an action has stopped at the present, i.e. that the heating system has been fixed now. It’s a very common mistake, and I hope a lot of people read this review because A LOT of non-native speakers misinterpret the meaning.

Article 8 - 作者：tony0429

Whoa! What’s with all those spaces between paragraphs, Tony? (I don’t know if Tony is your real name; that’s how you signed your letter in the article). I’m not sure if your computer took control of your letter, or if you really think such spacing is useful. Well, it’s not useful at all, and is very distracting. I almost have to scroll to the next page to get to the next paragraph. A letter might contain either (a) a single space between paragraphs, or (b) no spaces between paragraphs in which the first line of each paragraph would have to be indented. If you like, a double space can exist between the greeting and the first paragraph and another two spaces between the last paragraph and the farewell, but other than that keep the spaces under control. The visual appearance of your writing makes a strong and immediate first impression on your reader. Don’t get off on the wrong foot!
There’s a bit of a contradiction in the letter. First you said it’s cold now, but then at the end of the second paragraph, you said the problem is okay and that’s it’s your long term concern for protecting yourself against the cold which is the main issue. If I received this letter, I’d be slightly confused. So which is it? Are you cold now or not? What’s the real problem? But this problem is cleared up in your final paragraph. I think your threats to the agency are the strong point of this letter. You make it absolutely clear that you want the heating system fixed and if it’s not, you’re going to take some serious action. I like the confidence you show there. Keep that consistency throughout the letter. Don’t waver on your demands!

General Task 2
Article 9 - 作者：alicebeauty

Indent the first line of each paragraph several spaces to the right.
Nice use of facts and relevant statistics to back up the argument. Facts are well-placed and fairly well developed. I particularly liked the murderer’s hobby analogy. Whether it’s a completely fair comparison, I don’t know, but it sure grabs the reader’s attention and makes us think; that’s something a good argument aims to do.
But something is missing. The prompt also mentions smoking in offices and businesses. The writer has only addressed half the prompt. This would prove costly if this were and actual oversight on an examination. The writer demonstrates a pretty strong grasp of grammar and the volume of mistakes is rather low (except for that third paragraph wear some grammatical breakdowns occur). Most of the errors are of a lexical nature, e.g. inappropriate word choice in a few areas. I suggest that the writer continue to do what she is doing as the writing demonstrates a lot of potential, the errors not being extremely serious.
A key point here, and another positive one, is that the writer is clearly relying on her own unique language-very few of the phrases are generic (we’ll excuse the “has aroused a heated discussion” phrase). One can trace a lot of the generic stock phrases of a great number of IELTS written articles to a book or language school that tells you what to write or say, but there is no replacement for your own uniqueness, and this writer does that on most occasions. I can tell you from experience that unique essays with unique language are the kind exam experts prefer to read.
More practice and concentrated study and the writer could easily overcome her drawbacks and step to a higher level of writing.

Article 10 - 作者：allyliu0803

The writer has far too much line spacing between paragraphs. I suggest no line spaces at all; simply indent the first line of each paragraph five or six spaces to the right.
“in our daily life”. Thanks for making this mistake as I have the opportunity to comment on it. Here’s a few of the most commonly overused phrases by Chinese speakers of English:
“daily life”
“With the development of…”
“colourful”
“interesting”
“Every coin has two sides”
Luckily, this writer is only guilty of the first one (committed twice). So here’s a tip for everyone reading this: find another way to express all of the above.
“etc”. Avoid this whenever possible. It signals one of two things. 1. The writer knows there is more information that follows, but doesn’t know what that is, or 2. The writer is too lazy to write it. I’m not suggesting this particular writer is lazy because she has clearly made a great effort in this essay. On the contrary, I think this writer feels the free usage of “etc” is often appropriate, but your reader may not interpret it that way. If there is more to say, say it; if not, let it be.
Looking at the introduction the writer has said, “I believe”, “In my opinion, I think”. Of course we know it’s what you think; we know it’s your opinion. You are the one writing the article. Who else’s opinion would it be? Say what you want to say with confidence. Drop the “I think”s, the “In my opinion”s. You’ll sound more assured while cutting down on wordiness at the same time.
In the corrected essay, take a look at how many words and phrases I managed to eliminate. In fact, I deleted a whole paragraph because I felt the argument actually weakened rather than strengthened the argument. No clear link between smoking and crime exists as far as we know. If one wanted to, they could probably find a connection between any two things. Someone could argue that murderers tend to eat more meat than non-murderers. So what? It may be true, but it proves nothing. Watch out for wordiness and irrelevant arguments, as both are major issues in this article. Anyone reading these comments would do well to study those and make comparisons between the two essays.